I can't remember if I've told the community yet about my absence, so if I did pardon me.
In March of this year I had to have emergency back surgery, I crushed a disc and had to have an L4/L5 fusion. The docs were afraid of what the pain was doing to my blood pressure and feared I may have a stroke and or another heart attack because my lab work told them I had just had one. I didn't even know.
March 2, 2019.
Since then I've had to sell Crystal, and have been in a deepening dark ugly depression. I feel the worst about not continuing to participate in the community especially since I said I would in the mod's forum. I feel like I've let Dan the other mods and all of you down, and I let the shame of that keep me from coming here even though I know you would have done your all to cheer me up. You see I haven't forgotten what a truly special place this is. To my surprise, just posting these words, the ones about you all just now, is kinda making my heart swell cause I know the love and caring that this post are going to bring, in fact I'm tears now at this very moment.
I'm kinda lost at the moment. I did get myself back to work in just two months, probably because of thirty years in nursing and I already knew what I had to do to get back on my feet. I found a job I love driving and maintenance for an assisted living complex. The folks of this community at work have soothed my soul. But I'm being forced to leave them and that job because it doesn't pay well and I'm tired of my poor Janet trying to budget our now much more meager income. I've got myself on the books at my local IBEW as a helper and I'll see if this helps, there is a lot of work in the Ammergosa Valley(sp check is not helping) on some big solar energy project. It's supposed to pay $18/hr to start and $25/hr after you prove yourself and a certain amount of time.
Before all this started I finally let our very patient Lord into my life, as I've been feeling his pull since my druggy teens. I would gladly accept any and all prayers from the community.
No lie, I'm feeling a sense of something after putting all this out there. I know that this is safe place(a real one not the fake kind), I know this community. I love this community. Always have and always will. So I'm going to try to push past the shame I'm feeling for abandoning this wonderful place. Things may get better, or they may get worse, but I swear I'm going to start contributing again. I mean it Dan, Joe(why did we ever fight? It all seems so stupid now. You always reached out to those in pain, like myself twice), Joel, Mcgovern61, Tony and everyone else, every single one of you.
I'm sorry Dan, and I say that understanding that you understand. I just wanted to say it one more time. I know you know how much I love this place you've created and what I feel is hands down the finest group of people in one place. I just don't know what kept me away, almost every day I thought of CGW it just hurt so much worse as the time past by.
I'm going to fix this, and stop feeling this way because I know this community can help heal my soul, not just sooth it.
-Randy
In March of this year I had to have emergency back surgery, I crushed a disc and had to have an L4/L5 fusion. The docs were afraid of what the pain was doing to my blood pressure and feared I may have a stroke and or another heart attack because my lab work told them I had just had one. I didn't even know.
March 2, 2019.
Since then I've had to sell Crystal, and have been in a deepening dark ugly depression. I feel the worst about not continuing to participate in the community especially since I said I would in the mod's forum. I feel like I've let Dan the other mods and all of you down, and I let the shame of that keep me from coming here even though I know you would have done your all to cheer me up. You see I haven't forgotten what a truly special place this is. To my surprise, just posting these words, the ones about you all just now, is kinda making my heart swell cause I know the love and caring that this post are going to bring, in fact I'm tears now at this very moment.
I'm kinda lost at the moment. I did get myself back to work in just two months, probably because of thirty years in nursing and I already knew what I had to do to get back on my feet. I found a job I love driving and maintenance for an assisted living complex. The folks of this community at work have soothed my soul. But I'm being forced to leave them and that job because it doesn't pay well and I'm tired of my poor Janet trying to budget our now much more meager income. I've got myself on the books at my local IBEW as a helper and I'll see if this helps, there is a lot of work in the Ammergosa Valley(sp check is not helping) on some big solar energy project. It's supposed to pay $18/hr to start and $25/hr after you prove yourself and a certain amount of time.
Before all this started I finally let our very patient Lord into my life, as I've been feeling his pull since my druggy teens. I would gladly accept any and all prayers from the community.
No lie, I'm feeling a sense of something after putting all this out there. I know that this is safe place(a real one not the fake kind), I know this community. I love this community. Always have and always will. So I'm going to try to push past the shame I'm feeling for abandoning this wonderful place. Things may get better, or they may get worse, but I swear I'm going to start contributing again. I mean it Dan, Joe(why did we ever fight? It all seems so stupid now. You always reached out to those in pain, like myself twice), Joel, Mcgovern61, Tony and everyone else, every single one of you.
I'm sorry Dan, and I say that understanding that you understand. I just wanted to say it one more time. I know you know how much I love this place you've created and what I feel is hands down the finest group of people in one place. I just don't know what kept me away, almost every day I thought of CGW it just hurt so much worse as the time past by.
I'm going to fix this, and stop feeling this way because I know this community can help heal my soul, not just sooth it.
-Randy
